This past year have been very trying.
I must admit i have been very bruised by everything that had happened.
The house issue has kinda transform me into a little more unforgiving and untrusting person than before.
I felt and still feel that i was taken advantage of, shouted and threatened by the person's mother, lied in my face and on top of that not given an apology.
I was threatened by the person's girlfriend and on top of that shifted out of the place, paid the rent and on top of that went to stay at a backpackers. Not to mention having to go to a court tribunal to get myself out of the rental contract.
Pfft. Ha! what can i say?

Alas, the fine dining restaurant i was working in closed down on us without warning. We were literally thrown on the street without any notice with the last week of pay owing to us plus our annual leave not cleared. This is disrespect to the highest level. In the pretense of giving us an off day on a Sunday, the owners of the restaurant spent over 10 hours clearing out all food products from all the fridges and cool room.
Staff appeared the next morning with disbelief as the locks were changed and restaurant closed giving us no explanation nor any form of consolation. I was scheduled an off day on that Monday and i had no knowledge until a fellow colleague inform me of the whole plight.
The disbelief of my ex-bosses not even having the courtesy to inform even the executive chef of that decision was just unbelievable.

Well, we were all left without a job.

It is one and a half months since the restaurant closed down on us.

I'm bruised and skeptical about people at this point.

But, I'm thankful though today, I am giving a job opportunity though not my ideal position, but thankfully a 5-star environment.

Current Mood: cynical

The older we become, the lesser I find my words.

Today was a HOT day in melbourne.
It was sorching 37 degrees.
Yesterday was worse at 42 degrees.
It was a count down at federation square with fireworks shooting and people surrounding us n not being able to find C n C.
off to meet alan and off to the beach.
with sand everywhere we so wanted to get into the waters but weren't appropriately dressed.
he off to work and we went home to shower.
then i met T n had some drinks b4 heading home for a nap.
Hello 2008.

it has been a crazy 2007 n i have grown so much within me.

It ended unexpectedly and i can't wait for the year to progress with the expectancy in my heart.
walking this route with u.
happy days.

I'm kinda annoyed.
How can one says that she hates the guessing game when she herself say things like that online posting and directing to not anyone but me?
this is bullshit.
on the other hand.
I'm sorta forced to a corner where i hv to surrender and b open about myself and everything.
It shits me because i dun think she is and she dun tell me everything too.

I'm embarassed to tell everyone that i have bended to things i wouldn't have in the very first place.
I will not make excuses up for that but all i can say is, i'm accountable to my actions today.

Recently, there are many shocks to my life and i dun really wanna accept anymore changes.

I might say that people dun understand and i dun like to explain. I guess u can justify where they always misunderstand me. Maybe this is my cycle.
If only i can break it.

The previous time someone forced me to a corner, I stop everything and juz fucked off.
This is not call running.
This is call self preservation.
I dun wan to go insane.
I do what i want and all according to my own timing.

It's it not our time, too bad.
By listing the do and don't and telling me what u like in a person is just giving me the shits and putting me under alot of pressure.
Maybe this time, I just need to say, i cannot evolve into a person u ideally want, because at the end of the day, i will just be putting up a fake front. I feel putting all this boundaries on things u want in a partner just put me under so much pressure that maybe it's time to let go. how can i be someone i am not?

By hanging out withe ur best mate made you go pissed at me.
and are u doing the same by getting back at me and hanging out with my friend?

This is stupid because i need to stop caring.
When is the enough line?
It is obvious after putting down my thoughts everyone, that this is not fucking healthy and seriously, i'm been driven insane.

Just beautiful isn't it???

on other news, i got to shift again because my gorgeous housemate decided to move to Canada because she is too depressed and upset about life in Australia including that i cannot be friends with her again because she obviously betrayed me.

what else is new?

I'm starting a new circle of friends.

What is ur definition of running??
Is taking a break for a few days running?
I don't think so.

4th of july.
went to work. rush home to put money.
then back to k's to pick her up to get kk donuts.
Then to hungry jack's n to the airport.
Screaming babies made me mad.

5th july
arrived with dad picking me up at 1.30am.
couldn't slp.
Woke up to disappointment. No keys. had to eat instant noodles.
Spend a day at home trying to get out of the house. Surreal..
Went out to get Sim card.
dinner with the family at indonesian restaurant.
Went to andro hunt only to realise the queue. didn't want to queue.
crashed a farewell party at tuckshop instead.
Wala at night. Wings.
Prata n teh.

6th.
watched transformers with Ash.
Met K for dinner at mos burger.
met tash n her friend. badly wanted to go home.

7th
Met the dad at vivo.
then T n G.
Went to secret recipe. walk around. then to bugis.
suppose to go dao huey to meet the boys.
no mood.
stayed home.

8th
Brunch with A n K.
Then went for a walk with A at the shopping centre near Tan Tock Seng Hospital.
Went to queensway to look at shoes.
Met J n S.
Ate xiao long bao.
Watch die hard 4 with J.
went home.
met her again for supper at newton.

9th and 10th.
Sick at home.

11th
Went out for a walk. Bugis.
Met v and rollie at home club for drinks.
Opened a bottle of champagne.
Sent V to clementi.

12th
Steamboat at parkway.
nearly died and burst after dinner.
Butch hunt with K.
Met ash, tash, E and P at zouk.
Had ba kut teh with E n P after the hunt.
sent E home.

13th
Dar was half hour late. i was waiting outside my compound for him to pick me up.
Met dar, Ai and K.
Went to Iguana.
Packed. went to billy bombers instead.
felt like vomitting.
Then to Villa bali instead.

14th
Met jez in town.
Went to coffee club at taka.
Met k, jd, joel, wt, lynn at walas.
Sent K to Mos and had alone time with G.
Interesting conversation.

15th
stayed home.
Met ash for coffee at coffee club.

16th
Woke up.
watched tv. went to saloon.
meet ash at marina square for kenny rogers.
went home.

~ to be continued..

it was so cold today.
it rained n rained n rained.
we saw a double rainbow..
it was beautiful.

i'm therefore now under sheets shivering.
i wonder if i'm sick.
it cannot be so because i havent gotten sick in more than 9 mths now...

I was taking my regular nap.
I saw buildings crumble down to pieces.
First it was two of the buildings in front of me.
In a few seconds, more and more buildings behind those buildings..
I was in australia.
But at that instant i couldn't decide if i was because those buildings reminded me of those in Singapore.
My first response was..
SHIT. n cried because of the number of deaths at that instant.
I was on the phone a girl whom ask if my assignments were submitted and then the second line came in and jason whose voice i heard clearly as benny spoke. So i kept asking him who he is.

ouch. the deaths in my dream.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

This morning i made a vow.
I drove a long drive away.
I silently said to myself.
Enough.
How many times do i have to swallow my pride?
i shut my heart, my ears and eyes.
i see no more.

i vow to be happy.

I was reminded by the ever loving jez that i haven't blog in ages.
Just an update.
Things happen at the speed of light here n it seems like there are so many things going on at the same time that i haven't really have the time to even really take care of myself.
I feel sorry that i have neglected myself in so many ways the past few months.
Tonight, there is a calm. yet at the same time anxiety in my soul.
I'm worried about a few things and i haven't been able to voice out everything side.
Today i come clean.

I'm worried about moving out into the burbs. There are some current issues regarding a change in my mentality in regards to rent and i think i should start exploring new places n have a change in my living arrangement.
I'm worried because i have yet to find a decent place at a decent price. At the same time, the ones that i want to stay in are leased or their application pending (which means little hope or dun waste ur time enquiring..).

Next is the issue regarding staying in Australia.
I haven't told anyone this except Jamie. I gave up the chance for my current work place to sponsor me because i cannot see myself "selling my soul" to this place i currently cannot stand working for anymore.
Therefore the next option is to extend my studies. What i haven't told u guys is.. there are some issues as well.
um hum. Let's leave it as that. n the what if i have to head back to Singapore? If so, i will be the saddest person alive.

What i really hope to achieve within this two weeks is to have my shit all cleared due to procrastination. Get a new job because i already quit it and i drag my feet to work every time i have work and it is juz not helping me grow and develop what i need in achieving my dream.

i reckon i'm young and reckless and old, burdened and jaded at the same time.
irony.

hopefully the next post u see is me sorting everything out.
peace.